Dangerous Dismission
I’ve noticed a disturbing phenomenon over the past few years that I’m seeing more and more in our culture. More specifically, it’s the scenario where an individual believes that someone did or said something negative towards them, only for people to chime in and dismiss the comment with a counter statement such as, “oh, I’m sure they didn't mean it” or “really? so and so is so nice though!.”
When someone trusts you enough to share how they are feeling about a negative experience, the last thing anyone should do is to try to rationalize the behavior. I think the correct response is to listen, try to remain outwardly unbiased and ask clarifying questions to better understand the situation.
One thing I’ve learned in my 30 (*cough*) something years is this: people are oftentimes different with different people.
The way I respond and behave with my brothers is different from how I behave with a coworker. The way I behave with one friend may be totally different from how I behave with another friend. The part of me that I show, the jokes shared, and the overall relationship will likely be based on the history of the relationship, the other person’s personality/temperament and a host of other factors.
In situations with strangers or coworkers, the way one person behaves towards another person may vary and be based on more superficial attributes such as gender, skin color, weight etc...So, If someone says “person X did Y to me,” I think it’s woefully disrespectful to dismiss the comment just because it’s not a shared experience.
People are oftentimes different towards different people.
It’s not for me to say someone else’s experience isn't valid based on my experience because, quite frankly, both could be true.
Aji